New Look for Islam

I am convinced that Islam is getting a bad rap because it does not have a user-friendly spokesperson. If you look at all of the major religions of the world today, each one has at least one positive member who represents them well.

Look at Buddhism, for example. Is there a more laid back dude than the Dalai Lama? This guy is the real deal. He's humble ("I am just a simple Buddhist monk - no more, nor less.") He hangs out with cool Hollywood stars like Richard Gere. He's got stylish glasses. And, he never pisses anyone off except the bad guys (i.e. China). Who wants to be friends with the Chinese anyway?

How about Christianity? What bad can you say about Billy Graham? The guy is without fault. He's also humble, hangs out with Presidents and foreign dignitaries, but lives in a log cabin. Plus, his wife really digs him.

Catholicism is led by a guy who also socializes with world leaders, and he has a huge house. Plus, he's got the guts to wear red robes in public. Who, besides Hugh Hefner, could pull that off? To top it off, there are Catholic (and Christian) missionaries around the world helping needy people.

Judaism? They're all over and are known mainly for their hard work and religious fervor. Plus, most people (READ: everyone except Muslims) are horrified by what was done to them by the Germans during the Holocaust.

And there's Confucianism. Does anyone think Confucius was anything but a wise man? He never even hit anyone.

Taoism? Yin Yang, man. Balance that positive energy. Taoists believe that people are good by nature. Sounds like someone you want to invite to your next cocktail party.

Then there's Sikhism. The "I love everyone!" religion. They believe all people all equal in God's eyes, and they are led by a bunch of meditating Gurus. Gurus don't even know what AK-47's are.

Compare all of those with Islam:
Osama bin Laden: He's never going to live that whole "World Trade Center" thing down.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (President of Iran): hates America and wants to enrich uranium that can be used to build nuclear weapons.
Louis Farrakhan: goofy, baffling idiot surrounded by yes-men. Spews out laughable quotes and continuously tries to stir up conflict between blacks and whites (i.e. The White House bombed the levees in New Orleans to kill black people.)
Yasser Arafat: sole purpose and calling is to wipe Israel (READ: all Jewish people) off of the face of the Earth.

Let's face it, even the Communists have better representation, and they have to work with Stalin and Lenin, who had some real PR issues of their own.

So, I have decided to donate my time and effort into finding a new spokesperson for Islam. Since Islam is a religion of love, this needs to be someone who exudes that quality to the public. Someone to cut the ribbon at the openings of children's hospitals; someone you would trust to babysit your kids; someone that you'd want living next door to you; a coach of your son's baseball team.

In truth, I have already identified this individual. Please stay tuned for the official announcement. This could be a real turning point.